Abortion and the Authentic Man

Wow is there a lot to talk about here! I won’t even try to go down every path in a blog post but I do want to talk about men and abortion. Not post-abortion healing today. I want to instead focus on pre-abortion and men’s roles in an abortion decision that will ultimately end the life of their kid.  

But we can’t really get into that until we look at emasculation. 

Since the 1960s there has been a concerted effort to remove maleness from men. There were “experts” and psychologists that came out during my childhood claiming boys were too…well…boyish. They needed to settle down. Toys and behaviors were pushed and forced on boys to make them settle down. 

Almost all of those changes have been proven damaging to boys and girls, by the way. 

We also have to factor in the lack of male influence that started about the same time. 

Divorce took off in the 1970s. It became the thing to do. Not happy? Probably not you. Probably your spouse. Get a divorce and be the you that you were meant to be! That was the mantra for many. 

Quick disclaimer…I know there are legitimate reasons for divorce. I’m not talking about that. I’m not talking about the idea that people should stay married no matter what. There is abuse and other deep issues. But that wasn’t and isn’t the majority. Hate to disclaim that but the modern world being what it is…

Anyway, starting with my generation (Gen-X) we had, for the first time, a majority of boys being raised primarily by their moms. Dad was a weekend dad or worse. Sometimes there were step-dads and sometimes mom was solo. Point is, a boy will always long for the validation and input from his dad. That’s especially true with defining and living out life as an authentic man. 

The other factor we need to look at is TV programs and movies. Again, I watched men on TV go from competent, caring, honorable men like Ward Cleaver to bumbling idiots like Al Bundy. And it happened quick. 

Oh, a brief aside is the ratio of women to men teachers…especially in elementary school. My generation and the two below me were primarily raised and “trained” by women. And many times the very things that made them boys and young men was not validated. In fact, maleness was seen as a problem to solve. 

Now that we’ve looked at just a little background we can look at how this relates to abortion. 

First from a responsibility perspective. The Free Love movement has had immeasurable consequences on us culturally. It has, in part, destroyed the nuclear family, it has give way to a rise in STDs, drug and alcohol abuse and unplanned pregnancies. 

If a young man reaches adulthood without a father or mentor showing them how to be an authentic man, he likely won’t be. Authentic masculinity isn’t something one can stumble into. It’s deliberate. It’s intentional. He won’t understand who he is in the world and will often be stuck in a stunted development. 

Couple that with a young man who has gathered a lifetime of messages that tell him he doesn’t get to have an opinion about abortion. That logic is flawed for a myriad reasons we don’t have time to get into but suffice to say it’s ridiculous. 

But this young man has heard this message over and over. It’s reinforced on TV and in film. With no voice of truth and reason to contradict it, the lie becomes his truth. 

Now, when faced with an unplanned pregnancy the man is either way too passive or, stuck in adolescence, pushes for the abortion to maintain his sense of freedom. Neither is the right approach or response. 

As men, our first responsibility is to protect our families. That means, when faced with an unplanned pregnancy, encouraging your partner that you’ll be there, that the two of you can do this thing. Because here’s the thing, that little life matters and you CAN do it. 

More and more older men are seeing the gaps and lack of mentoring. My generation, having gone through growing up and raising a family, is starting to turn back to the younger guys and offer what we’ve learned…and share experience, strength and hope. 

A lot of abortions happened because the women were lied to. Many more happened because the men were lied to and emasculated into believing they didn’t have a voice in the life of their baby. Now is the time for men to stand up and be men. 

This isn’t about force or anger or anything like that. It’s simply about men being men. It’s about men supporting one another and the mother of their unborn child. 

If you’re a man reading this you do have a voice and there is help and support available to you. You can do this. You can be a father. You can be a man.